Aber-bloody-deen? References to Aberdeen in British TV comedies (mostly)

Another niche tangent! If a British comedy series wants to reference somewhere that’s far away and isn’t a place anyone would actually want to go, they use Aberdeen. And as an Aberdonian myself, albeit one that lives in Canada now, any mention always gets a cheer in my house.

So, in the same way as Joel Morris collected the yellow cars of comedy, I’m collecting the crap references to Aberdeen!

This isn’t just a collection of every time the city is mentioned. It’s specifically for those that are a bit disparaging. So, no to the Doctor asking Queen Victoria why she isn’t getting the train from Aberdeen, but yes to Peep Show using it as the pinnacle of “why would anyone be excited to have a business trip there?”. 

 

Monty Python – The Buzz Aldrin Show (s2, e4) [1970]

[Eric Idle is trying to buy some aftershave from Michael Palin]

Chemist: Well I'm afraid they don't have any at our Kensington branch. But we have some down at the depot.

Man: Where's that? 

Chemist: Aberdeen. 

Man: Aberdeen?!

Chemist: It's all right. Wait here, I've got a car.

Man: No, no, no. I'll take the other, the crab, tiger and...

Chemist: Almond requisite-t-t-t-t-t-t ? 

 

Doctor Who – Underworld (s15, serial 5) [1978]

[The Doctor and Leela are exploring the underground tunnels of a new planet]

The Doctor: Did I ever tell you about the time I went to Aberdeen?

Leela: Yes, the Granite City. 

The Doctor: That's right. Did you know, the people there absorb more radiation from the granite than people who work every day in nuclear power plants.

Leela: Is that good for them? 

The Doctor: Well, of course it is. It shows that organisms can adapt to any kind of environment, even one like this with a high radiation count. 

 

Blackadder – Duel and Duality (s3, e6) [1987]

[Blackadder is trying to convince his Scottish cousin to fight a duel in his place]

Edmund: Look, for God's sake, MacAdder, you're not Rob Roy. You're a top kipper salesman with a reputable firm of Aberdeen fishmongers. Don't throw it all away. 

Blackadder – Blackadder’s Christmas Carol [1988]

[The Queen is rewarding Lord Melchett]

Queenie: Anything else?

Melchett: Well, a devilish saucy wife would be fun.

Queenie: Lady Jane Pottle!

Melchett: Oh, yummy!

Queenie: I think she’s Blackadder’s girl at the moment, but that doesn’t matter, does it,  Blacky…

Edmund: No, of course not, Ma’am… and perhaps Lord Melchett would like to whip me naked through the streets of Aberdeen…

Melchett: Oh, I don’t think we need go that far, Blackadder…

Edmund: Oh, too kind…

Melchett: No – Aylesbury’s quite far enough.

 

Blackadder – Private Plane (s4, e4) [1989]

[Flashheart has landed in Blackadder’s trench, but he’s not impressed]

Edmund: Unfortunately, most of the infantry think you're a prat. Ask them who they'd prefer to meet: Squadron Commander Flashheart and the man who cleans out the public toilets in Aberdeen, and they'd go for Wee Jock Poo-Pong McPlop every time.

French and Saunders – Gentlemen Prefer Blondes (s3, e6) [1990]

[Modern Mother and Daughter – the sketch that inspired Absolutely Fabulous. A sensible daughter telling her immature mother about university]

Mother: Where is you're going, darling?

Daughter: Aberdeen.

Mother: Aber-bloody-deen? I don't know anybody in Aber-bloody-deen, darling! What am I going to do? Hmm? What am I going to do without you here? You're the only person who knows how to find the coffee in the morning, I'm hopeless at that you know that sweetie, I mean honestly, it's just too bloody awful, I'm never gonna cope.

When French and Saunders took their ‘Still Alive’ tour to Aberdeen, they did this sketch, but changed the reference to “Dun-bloody-dee”. Thanks to /u/IDoMathsNotMath for reminding me!

 

The Royle Family – Episode 1 (s1, e1) [1998]

[Jim spends the episode trying to find out who’s been running up the phone bill]

Jim: Who's been ringing Aberdeen?

... 

Jim: Antony, who do you know in Aberdeen?

... 

Jim: Where did your Aunty Vi move to?

Barbara: Middleton.

Jim: Not Aberdeen?

... 

Jim: Dave, how's your mate in Aberdeen?

Dave: I haven't got a mate in Aberdeen.

...

Denise: Hey Dad, if my mate Angus from Aberdeen rings, tell him… Ah, I'm only joking.

 

The Simpsons – Monty Can't Buy Me Love (s10, e21) [1999]

[Mr Burns drains Loch Ness to find Nessie]

Mr. Burns: That's it! I see the monster!

Groundskeeper Willie: Nay! That's merely Loch Ness High School’s discarded homecoming float.

Homer: No way! Aberdeen rules!

Okay, I said this list was only *mostly* British comedies. Someone at The Simpsons clearly liked the Groundskeeper Willie & Aberdeen connection because they used it a couple more times…

 

The Simpsons – The Dad Who Knew Too Little (s14, e8) [2003]

[Homer has hired a private detective to investigate Lisa]

Groundskeeper Willie: Hey, that's not your locker.

Dexter: You know, you are the spitting image of the Aberdeen Strangler

Groundskeeper Willie: Moving on. [Whistling]

 

The Simpsons – ‘Scuse Me While I Miss the Sky (s14, e16) [2003]

[A documentary film producer is interviewing Lisa] 

Declan: Hmm, Lisa, I can't help but wonder if this is a bit of a put-on.

Lisa: Why, whatever do you mean? Whoa!

[She falls off her chair and knocks down the fake library walls, revealing a sleeping Groundskeeper Willie]

Groundskeeper Willie: Huh? What? Go, Aberdeen!

Back to British comedies!

 

Black Books – Blood (s2, e4) [2002]

[Fran has been researching her family tree and found a bunch of relatives nearby, but they’ve been asking her for more and more favours]

Frederick: Yes, rest, Fran. Then on Saturday you will take Gregor to the hospital. It's a little out of the way, this hospital – Aberdeen.

Fran: Oh, no, no, no, I can't.

Frederick: Take a jiffy, maybe two little jiffies.

 

Peep Show – Local Zero (s2, e3) [2004]

[Mark spends the episode trying to go on a business trip to Aberdeen with Sophie]

Johnson: So, Mark, would you be prepared to go up there with Sophie if that's the way things panned out? 

Mark: Yeah, Alan, I suppose I could probably make that. (Even if I have to cut off all my limbs and crawl to Aberdeen on my tongue.)

 

Look Around You – Sport (s2, e3) [2005]

[Ros Lamb, 400,000-metre running champion, visits the studio to explain the performance-enhancing serum she uses – a new form of rocket fuel, flavoured with caramel]

Peter: Well, we're really going to put Ros to the test now, because we've devised a special Look Around You challenge for her. Ros is going to attempt to run from here, BBC Television Centre in London, all the way to our studio in Aberdeen, where she'll be met by BBC Scotland's Mario Abdullah-Levy. Hello Mario!

Mario: Hello Peter!

Peter: Mario, tell us, just how far away are you up there?

Mario: Well, we're 524 miles away from Shepherd's Bush, so it's a fair old distance. And I have to tell you, Ros, that it's absolutely freezing up here. And although I'd love to see it myself, I hope you're not wearing anything too skimpy!

Peter: Thanks Mario. Now, Ros reckons she can run the distance in just under five minutes.

[Ros makes it to Aberdeen in 4m28, but shrinks due to her massive increase in body temperature. When she gets back to London, she has to be looked at under a microscope.]

 

Doctor Who – School Reunion (s2, e3) [2006]

[The Doctor and Sarah Jane are reminiscing about their past]

Sarah Jane: It wasn't Croydon, where you dropped me off, it wasn't Croydon!

The Doctor: Where was it?

Sarah Jane: Aberdeen.

The Doctor: Right. That's next to Croydon, isn't it?

 

Doctor Who – Under the Lake (s9, e3) [2015]

One of the Doctor’s apology cue cards reads:

It was my fault, I should have known you didn't live in Aberdeen. 

And again, someone clearly liked the Doctor & Aberdeen connection, so it gets a few more outings…

 

Doctor Who – Smile (s10, e2) [2017]

[Sneaking past two robots, while smiling]

The Doctor: What a lovely place you have here. Thank you so much for your hospitality. 

Bill: We will come again. Doctor, I was thinking maybe next time we might go to Wiltshire, perhaps, or Aberdeen.

The Doctor: Ah, yes. Two thumbs up for Wiltshire slash Aberdeen.

 

Doctor Who – The Lie of the Land (s10, e8) [2017]

[Looking for the Doctor]

Bill: So he's at sea? 

Nardole: Mmm hmm. Yeah. Yeah. The Monks have got him on one of the old prison boats. Hulks, they used call them.

Bill: So how do we get to him? 

Nardole: Every six weeks, all their food and fuel and stuff gets taken to them by a supply boat. The next delivery is in two days' time, off the coast of Scotland. 

 

Doctor Who – The Eaters of Light (s10, e10) [2017]

[The TARDIS has just landed]

Nardole: [Sigh] Where are we now?

Bill: Aberdeen, Scotland, 2nd century AD.

The Doctor: You weren't complaining when it was Mars, were you?

 

After asking for Aberdeen references on Reddit, I was inundated! A lot of them were just a quick mention, but nothing exciting, like the opening line of Carry on at your Convenience: 

“Four matching pairs blue and green washbasins for Carter's, Aberdeen.” 

But I thought some deserved to be catalogued here too!

 

Odette (1950 movie)

[War film about Odette Sansom – a French spy for Britain]

Odette: Did you telephone to my children?

Peter: Yes, I did. They’re going on fine. I put on a Scotch accent and pretended I’d met you in Aberdeen.

 

Star Trek: The Original Series – Wolf in the Fold (s2, e14) [1967]

[The crew are enjoying shore leave in a night club and watching a dancer]

Kirk: Good. I've invited her to join us at the table. I thought you might like to meet her.

Scotty: Now that's what I call a real Captain. Always thinking of his men.

[The dancer finishes and Scotty claps]

Kirk: Scotty, Scotty. In Argelius they use the lights.

Scotty: Now no one has to tell an old Aberdeen pub-crawler how to applaud, Captain.

Kirk: Have one of our pillows? 

Scotty: 'Tis a fine foggy night tonight, and I doubt if anyone's ever told you of the marvellous fogs we have in Aberdeen. 

Kara: Never a word, but I'm dying to learn. 

Scotty: Well then, why don't I show you? There's nothing like a walk in the fog with a bonny lass. 

Kara: Or a handsome gentleman. Why don't we?

 

Only Murders in the Building – The Show Must… (s3, e1) [2021]

[At a read-through for a play]

Howard: A lighthouse appears, and a storm shelter door opens. A nanny emerges from the shelter.

Loretta: [In a terrible “Scottish” accent] Storm's comin'. Don't think it's a night for roaming the rocks.

Oliver: I'm sorry, I think I missed some of those words.

Loretta: Oh, I was trying a Scottish dialect.

Oliver: Uh-huh. Because the nanny's…

Loretta: The nanny refers to a childhood in Aberdeen.

Oliver: Right.

Loretta: Um, or, or not.

Oliver: No, no, no, no, no. It's okay to try things. Let's just go again.

 

Shelter (2026 movie)

[From Wikipedia: “Jason Statham as a former British government assassin living in isolation off the coast of Scotland who is forced back into violent confrontation with his past while protecting a young girl from the agency determined to eliminate him.”]

Arthur: Shit. When it was time for you to disappear, I changed your identity to an oil worker in Aberdeen. A nobody. But someone figured it out and swapped it to this guy. A high-value terrorist on the watch list. Which you know carries an interagency kill order.

And let’s finish with a couple of classic documentaries about the Granite City:

 

Telly Savalas Looks at Aberdeen:

 

Britain's Toughest Pub – Peep Peeps: